What is a family?
Ever ask yourself, "what is family" or 'who is your family? Do you consider your family your biological sisters, brothers, mother and father? Or do you have a situation where your family is blended; step mothers, step fathers, step brothers/sisters, half brothers/sisters?
As we age and grow as individuals, we leave our original family and make our own family as adults. Some of us get married, and may or may not have children. Some have children and never get married. Some may never marry and choose their friends to be their family.
Growing up, I thought familly was a biological mother, father, brothers and sisters. The father worked outside the home, and the mother took care of the children and home. The TV shows I watched as a child had a big influence on my perception of family; Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, and I love Lucy. The men would go to work, while the women stayed home and took care of the laundry, children, home, cooking and looking lovely in high heels and pearls. The men would come home from work to find dinner ready and the children's homework completed; usually a beautiful apron was wrapped around her svelte body. The family all ate dinner together and discussed the day events. In Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver, Jim Anderson and Ward Cleaver were life insurance agents. Ironically, my father was a life insurance agent. I have always wanted to be June Cleaver or Margaret Anderson, even today as a 43 year old woman, they are my idols. They did it all so effortlessly, or so it appeared.
I have always tried to balance being a stay at home mother while having a career. Maybe I am in denial, because you can't truly be both....or can you? After divorcing Taylor's father when she was two, I had no choice but to work. And something else ironic, I was a stay at home mom who was a life insurance agent. Yes, I did it all. (I'll come back to this subject at another time).
Then there were the other tv shows I watched. They were so different than my life and looked like they were so much fun; My Three Sons, Courtship of Eddie's Father, Family Affair, The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family. The Brady Bunch consisted of two widowed or divorced spouses, even though I have seen each show 20 times, I don't know if Carol and Mike were were widowed or divorced. Their own set of three children blended in perfectly with one another. There was always excitement going on. The Partridge Family had one mother raising 5 children without a father. What happened to Shirley's husband? The familhy would travel the country in their psychodelic bus, playing concerts and dealing with life. (By the way, I hope to have an answer to the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family question, as I sent Christopher Knight, aka Peter Brady a message on My Space, lol) Their life was always so much more interesting.
Today's times are very different than my life or the television shows I watched. And I guess my true example of life and family came from my parents. What I now know, is that my reality of family life was different than others reality of family life.
What I learned in my life looking back is that life isn't easy. If you think your life is easy, then you are missing something or not paying attention. My mother and father did everything they could to make sure that our lifes were easy; Jane Ann, Stephen and me. It worked on each of us some times, and other times we made it harder. I wish I would have been more conscious as a child, to appreciate what stages I was going through. Our parents made it very easy for us. We wanted for nothing. Even the laundry, either leave it on the floor or drop it down the laundry shoot and the next day is was hanging up clean in our closet. An old friend told me a few stories of my childhood, that I have no recollection of, and I was shocked by his story. 25 years later, I apologized to him for my childish, spoiled rotten behavior, that embarassed him. It wasn't my parents fault, they did their best in raising their children. Just as their parents did their best. (I will write about my parents childhood at another time, which are very interesting.)
Today, life is so complicated. Have we done this to ourselves? Today we are divorced, remarried, his & her kids, our kids, I even know a friend who has a 'their' kid. Step families, several sets of in laws all forced to be a family whether we choose to be or not.
I think of Taylor's situation, not knowing Tim's family and meeting them all for the first time at our wedding. It was like "here is your new family!". What did we think a 10 year old was going to do with that? Embrace them? Love them immeditealy. If she had the mental capability to think through it, was she asking herself " what is my mom doing, and who are you and why do I have to love you when I don't even kinow you?" InstaFamily. Drop it in water and after a little fizzing, WA LA, a new family.
Jim and I gave our daughter all new families. She had no decision in it. She didn't have a choice to pick Jim and I has parents, but at least she knew us from utero. (Or did she have a choice and chose us as parents on a spiritual level? I'll save that for another time too.) Jim married Amy and they have two kids. I married Tim and we have two kids. Let's see, so Taylor has 4 natural grandparents, well 3 if you count mom's passing this summer, but I rather go with 4. Mima, Granddad, Grandma Yoshie and Grandpa Al, (5 if you count Al's 2nd wife), 8.5 sets of step-Grandparents; Larry, Gammy (but technically Gammy isn't legally her Gammy anymore), Gayle (Larry's girlfriend), Nana, Papa John, Grandpa Ronnie and his wife (don't know her name), Grandma Patty and her boyfriend Steve (want confusion? Steve was my high school boyfriend's best friend and is now with my daughter's step-grandmother) Did I just count that right, Taylor's has 14 natural or step grandparents? I have to be miss counting right? Sorry, I have to number them off.
Taylor's parents and siblings - 4 parents and 4 siblings
Taylor's aunts and uncles 19 aunts and uncles
As we age and grow as individuals, we leave our original family and make our own family as adults. Some of us get married, and may or may not have children. Some have children and never get married. Some may never marry and choose their friends to be their family.
Growing up, I thought familly was a biological mother, father, brothers and sisters. The father worked outside the home, and the mother took care of the children and home. The TV shows I watched as a child had a big influence on my perception of family; Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, and I love Lucy. The men would go to work, while the women stayed home and took care of the laundry, children, home, cooking and looking lovely in high heels and pearls. The men would come home from work to find dinner ready and the children's homework completed; usually a beautiful apron was wrapped around her svelte body. The family all ate dinner together and discussed the day events. In Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver, Jim Anderson and Ward Cleaver were life insurance agents. Ironically, my father was a life insurance agent. I have always wanted to be June Cleaver or Margaret Anderson, even today as a 43 year old woman, they are my idols. They did it all so effortlessly, or so it appeared.
I have always tried to balance being a stay at home mother while having a career. Maybe I am in denial, because you can't truly be both....or can you? After divorcing Taylor's father when she was two, I had no choice but to work. And something else ironic, I was a stay at home mom who was a life insurance agent. Yes, I did it all. (I'll come back to this subject at another time).
Then there were the other tv shows I watched. They were so different than my life and looked like they were so much fun; My Three Sons, Courtship of Eddie's Father, Family Affair, The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family. The Brady Bunch consisted of two widowed or divorced spouses, even though I have seen each show 20 times, I don't know if Carol and Mike were were widowed or divorced. Their own set of three children blended in perfectly with one another. There was always excitement going on. The Partridge Family had one mother raising 5 children without a father. What happened to Shirley's husband? The familhy would travel the country in their psychodelic bus, playing concerts and dealing with life. (By the way, I hope to have an answer to the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family question, as I sent Christopher Knight, aka Peter Brady a message on My Space, lol) Their life was always so much more interesting.
Today's times are very different than my life or the television shows I watched. And I guess my true example of life and family came from my parents. What I now know, is that my reality of family life was different than others reality of family life.
What I learned in my life looking back is that life isn't easy. If you think your life is easy, then you are missing something or not paying attention. My mother and father did everything they could to make sure that our lifes were easy; Jane Ann, Stephen and me. It worked on each of us some times, and other times we made it harder. I wish I would have been more conscious as a child, to appreciate what stages I was going through. Our parents made it very easy for us. We wanted for nothing. Even the laundry, either leave it on the floor or drop it down the laundry shoot and the next day is was hanging up clean in our closet. An old friend told me a few stories of my childhood, that I have no recollection of, and I was shocked by his story. 25 years later, I apologized to him for my childish, spoiled rotten behavior, that embarassed him. It wasn't my parents fault, they did their best in raising their children. Just as their parents did their best. (I will write about my parents childhood at another time, which are very interesting.)
Today, life is so complicated. Have we done this to ourselves? Today we are divorced, remarried, his & her kids, our kids, I even know a friend who has a 'their' kid. Step families, several sets of in laws all forced to be a family whether we choose to be or not.
I think of Taylor's situation, not knowing Tim's family and meeting them all for the first time at our wedding. It was like "here is your new family!". What did we think a 10 year old was going to do with that? Embrace them? Love them immeditealy. If she had the mental capability to think through it, was she asking herself " what is my mom doing, and who are you and why do I have to love you when I don't even kinow you?" InstaFamily. Drop it in water and after a little fizzing, WA LA, a new family.
Jim and I gave our daughter all new families. She had no decision in it. She didn't have a choice to pick Jim and I has parents, but at least she knew us from utero. (Or did she have a choice and chose us as parents on a spiritual level? I'll save that for another time too.) Jim married Amy and they have two kids. I married Tim and we have two kids. Let's see, so Taylor has 4 natural grandparents, well 3 if you count mom's passing this summer, but I rather go with 4. Mima, Granddad, Grandma Yoshie and Grandpa Al, (5 if you count Al's 2nd wife), 8.5 sets of step-Grandparents; Larry, Gammy (but technically Gammy isn't legally her Gammy anymore), Gayle (Larry's girlfriend), Nana, Papa John, Grandpa Ronnie and his wife (don't know her name), Grandma Patty and her boyfriend Steve (want confusion? Steve was my high school boyfriend's best friend and is now with my daughter's step-grandmother) Did I just count that right, Taylor's has 14 natural or step grandparents? I have to be miss counting right? Sorry, I have to number them off.
Taylor's parents and siblings - 4 parents and 4 siblings
- Me, bio mom = William 1/2 brother +
Tim, step dad = Jack 1/2 brother. For the record she does NOT call her siblings as half, they are her WHOLE .- Jim, bio dad = Kameron 1/2 brother +
- Amy, step mom = Kaithlyn 1/2 sister
Taylor's Grandparents -4 Bio grandparents and 10 step grandparents = 14 grandparents
- Mima (Jacquelyn) my mom
- Granddad (Bud) my dad
- Gandma Yoshie, Jim's mom
- Grandpa Al, Jim's dad
- Grandpa Al's wife and I forgot her name, Jim's stepmom
- Step Grandma Patty, Taylor's step mom's bio mother
- Step Boyfriend Steve (who I went to high school with, ewwwwww!)
- Step Grandpa Ronnie, Taylor's step mom's bio dad
- Step Grandpa Ronnie's wife, don't know her name, Taylor's step mom's bio dad
- Step Grandma Nana, Tim's mom
- Step Grandpa Papa John, Tim's stepdad
- Step Grandpa Papa Larry, Tim's bio dad
- Step Grandma, Gammy, Tim's ex stepmom
- Step Girlfriend of Larry, Gayle, Larry's girlfriend
Taylor's aunts and uncles 19 aunts and uncles
- Naney
- Uncle Dave
- Uncle Steve
- Aunt Terry
- Uncle Mike
Aunt Clo (divorced)- Uncle Gene
- Aunt Yvette
- Uncle Matt (step)
- Matt's wife (step)
- Aunt Kim (step)
- Uncle Josh (step)
- Aunt Carrie (step)
- Uncle Eric (step)
- Aunt Susan (step)
- Uncle Paul (step)
- Aunt Julie (step)
Uncle Jim, aka funny guy (step, divorced)- Aunt ? (step, she's only 4, daughter of Grandpa Ronnie)
Taylor's 1st Cousins 14 first cousins and so many 2nd step cousins, I can't count them all
- Chris
- Mike
- Alex
- Tom
- Mason
- Sidnie
- Ashley (step)
- Stephen (step)
- Alex (step)
- Tommy (step)
- Evan (step)
- Ellie (step)
- Garrett (step)
- Joliana (step)
- Ryan (step)
- Zoe (step)
Wow, that boggles my mind! How could anybody embrace so many people that were thrown at them, saying 'here's your family!"
I go back to my original question, "what is family or who is your family." I suppose it all depends on your own life and point of view.
American Heritage Dictionary defines family: n. pl. fam·i·lies
-
- A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
- Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
- A group of like things; a class.
- A group of individuals derived from a common stock: the family of human beings.
- All the members of a household under one roof.
- A group of persons sharing common ancestry.
- Lineage, especially distinguished lineage.
- A locally independent organized crime unit, as of the Cosa Nostra.
-
- A group of like things; a class.
- A group of individuals derived from a common stock: the family of human beings.
*Definition #5 is an intersting subject, especially with me being a criminal justice major and a fan of the Soprano's. However, that is not one of the definitions I was thinking. lol
Any other thoughts on this subject? Would love to hear.
Comments